if you ever call me annoying, even if it’s just jokingly, the chances of me ever speaking to you again are slim to none because I’ll be so afraid that every little word or sound that comes out of my mouth will aggravate you and make you cringe and hate my existence
HELLO MY BABY HELLO MY HONEY HELLO MY RAG TIME GAL
AND suddenly no one remembers this. :( Kids won’t know all our awesome things. *sobs*
team “i wore this yesterday but i’m going to a different place so it doesn’t matter”
if i was in a fictional universe i wouldn’t be the main character i’d probably be that friend of the main character who lacks supernatural powers or special abilities but makes up for it with sarcasm and really lame one-liners
So my mom and I have been working the same waitress job for 5-6 years now. She had been waitressing years before, but this is recently. Anyway, about… 15 minutes ago this guy she waited on left and told her to take care. Just that. Prior to this she had talked to him about Italy. Her people are from Florence, this and that, and she said she’s never been. She’s got 8 years of art education and she’s working a waitress job. It’s pretty… Sad and disappointing, I guess. Her and my father divorced 6 years ago and she hasn’t had a real job ever. Just been stuck in a small town she’s not from.
This man who we have never seen before tipped her 1000 dollars for a trip to Italy. Walked out, not another word.
…you know. Just when I start to lose faith in humanity….Hm.
friendly reminder that after each passing day you are closer to finding your soulmate
and your grave
and eating your next pizza
excuse you our porn is of the finest quality
Miley speaks for us all.
and they say gay marriage is unnatural
i’m screaming so hard right now ^
ARE WE IGNORING THE WHOLE RAW POTATO PART?!?!
it’s so weird how grapes don’t really taste like anything on the outside. like if you just put a grape in your mouth it doesn’t have a taste. but then you bite down and you’re like whoa. that’s a grape